Teenbonpit is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, ill-tempered chicken.

Teenbonpit created an atom five million years ago.

If you believe in Teenbonpit, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Teenbonpit, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Teenbonpit's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Teenbonpit's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.