Ortstikwee is a god.

She takes the form of a large, omniscient owl.

Ortstikwee created the planet Earth eight million years ago.

If you believe in Ortstikwee, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Ortstikwee, she will have a low opinion of you.

Ortstikwee's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Ortstikwee's Holy Commandments

1. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snakes.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

4. Do not speak about cucumbers.

5. Always help ants.