Nibpag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, astonishing tortoise.

Nibpag created time and space six billion years ago.

If you believe in Nibpag, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Nibpag, she will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Nibpag's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Nibpag's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Worship no other gods but Nibpag.

3. Never feed lentils to swans while wearing pink dresses.

4. Nibpag loves nematodes, so they must be respected.

5. Do not drink water in red rooms.