Vonkfodmap is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, annoying shark.

Vonkfodmap created water four million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkfodmap, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Vonkfodmap, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Vonkfodmap's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Vonkfodmap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat wheat.

2. Hide from violet porpoises for they are unholy.

3. Always look after injured aardvarks.

4. Never think ill of sick whales.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.