Sabpadcubnabartkapfutnan is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, resourceful cow.

Sabpadcubnabartkapfutnan created the planet Mars nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Sabpadcubnabartkapfutnan, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Sabpadcubnabartkapfutnan, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Sabpadcubnabartkapfutnan's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Sabpadcubnabartkapfutnan's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not trade with those who eat melons.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Always treat hamsters with great respect.