Kamjopquaf is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, sapient crocodile.

Kamjopquaf created the planet Mars nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kamjopquaf, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Kamjopquaf, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Kamjopquaf's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Kamjopquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never wear pink shorts.

3. Hamsters are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never think about comets.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Kamjopquaf.