Zanjatzan is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, staggering shrew.

Zanjatzan created vertebrates three million years ago.

If you believe in Zanjatzan, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Zanjatzan, she will torture you forever.

Zanjatzan's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Zanjatzan's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Zanjatzan.

2. Do not hurt mice.

3. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.

4. Never look at planets.

5. Never talk about gravity.