Xucklanrilmanbabven is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, proud porpoise.

Xucklanrilmanbabven created the cosmos six billion years ago.

If you believe in Xucklanrilmanbabven, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Xucklanrilmanbabven, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Xucklanrilmanbabven's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Xucklanrilmanbabven's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not dye your hair purple.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.