Ortstancet is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, caring yak.

Ortstancet created the planet Mars eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Ortstancet, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Ortstancet, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Ortstancet's most sacred site is Utti in Finland.

Ortstancet's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip in the presence of tapirs.

2. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a building before entering it.

3. Worship no other gods but Ortstancet.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. You must never eat turnips.