Yarlfossvag is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, omniscient cobra.

Yarlfossvag created the planet Saturn two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yarlfossvag, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Yarlfossvag, she will turn you into a slug.

Yarlfossvag's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Yarlfossvag's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Yarlfossvag loves tortoises, so they must be honoured.

4. Put Yarlfossvag first in all things.

5. Do not drink alcohol.