Fednakfebspagpindan is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, egotistical troll.

Fednakfebspagpindan created carbon seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fednakfebspagpindan, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Fednakfebspagpindan, she will turn you into a goat.

Fednakfebspagpindan's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Fednakfebspagpindan's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Erect eight carbon sculptures of Fednakfebspagpindan on top of important buildings.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fednakfebspagpindan.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Do not chop down trees.