Safpigtin is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, narcissistic squid.

Safpigtin created Europe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Safpigtin, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Safpigtin, he will turn you into a rat.

Safpigtin's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Safpigtin's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at asteroids.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not dye your hair brown.

4. Always wear fawn.

5. Always obey Safpigtin's priests.