Bifkemjarn is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, calm zebra.

Bifkemjarn created dark energy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bifkemjarn, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bifkemjarn, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Bifkemjarn's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Bifkemjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear dresses.

2. You must never eat cherries.

3. Do not shave your face.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never paint your head violet.