Xembonpang is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, almighty faun.

Xembonpang created the universe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Xembonpang, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Xembonpang, he will be very sad.

Xembonpang's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Xembonpang's Holy Commandments

1. Otters are not to be trusted.

2. Squirrels are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Never think ill of sick grasshopers.

5. Never think about amino acids.