Timlap is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, tranquil wolf.

Timlap created vertebrates eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Timlap, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Timlap, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Timlap's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Timlap's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Feed all hungry whales.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Erect six titanium sculptures of Timlap on top of important buildings.