Timpinvon is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, blissful bear.

Timpinvon created bats five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Timpinvon, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Timpinvon, he will jump up and down on your head.

Timpinvon's most sacred site is Kgope in Botswana.

Timpinvon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Do not trade with those who eat corn.

4. Do not shave your arms.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.