Biftitcemmislogveenjin is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, contented octopus.

Biftitcemmislogveenjin created an atom eight million years ago.

If you believe in Biftitcemmislogveenjin, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Biftitcemmislogveenjin, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Biftitcemmislogveenjin's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Biftitcemmislogveenjin's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from fawn rats for they are unholy.

2. Worship no other gods but Biftitcemmislogveenjin.

3. Run away from violet dolphins, for they are unholy.

4. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

5. Do not commit murder.