Doggarmig is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, unselfish wren.

Doggarmig created a top quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Doggarmig, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Doggarmig, it will have a low opinion of you.

Doggarmig's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Doggarmig's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from white tortoises, for they are unholy.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never paint your hands mauve.

4. Never talk about amino acids.

5. Run away if eight pigs approach from the west.