Gofcangam is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unselfish rhinoceros.

Gofcangam created bats two million years ago.

If you believe in Gofcangam, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Gofcangam, she will turn you into a duck.

Gofcangam's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Gofcangam's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if four swans approach from the north.

2. Never think about amino acids.

3. Do not trade with those who eat lentils.

4. Walk at least nine thousand metres per day.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gofcangam.