Tetticarbam is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, duplicitous salamander.

Tetticarbam created the Sun eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tetticarbam, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tetticarbam, it will destroy your home solar system.

Tetticarbam's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Tetticarbam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat melons.

2. Never wear tights.

3. Always look after injured badgers.

4. You must pray to Tetticarbam nine times a day.

5. Erect a large iron sculpture of Tetticarbam on top of all buildings.