Bumjamflap is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, dishonourable guinea pig.

Bumjamflap created tapeworms seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Bumjamflap, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Bumjamflap, he will destroy your home planet.

Bumjamflap's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Bumjamflap's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never feed apples to whales while wearing orange jumpers.

5. Erect a large gold sculpture of Bumjamflap on top of all buildings.