Yarttimveg is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, moody dolphin.

Yarttimveg created an atom two billion years ago.

If you believe in Yarttimveg, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Yarttimveg, he will turn you into a giant snail.

Yarttimveg's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Yarttimveg's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

3. Never talk about capybaras.

4. Never go into orange rooms.

5. Always make sure there are no moths in a building before entering it.