Fomtettiquag is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, humorless squid.

Fomtettiquag created the Cigar Galaxy nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fomtettiquag, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Fomtettiquag, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Fomtettiquag's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Fomtettiquag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt bats.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Never think about gravity.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Never jump near eagles.