Xemjenxin is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, unthoughtful meerkat.

Xemjenxin created tapeworms seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xemjenxin, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Xemjenxin, he will send minions to preach to you.

Xemjenxin's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Xemjenxin's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat pigs with great respect.

2. Do not dye your hair turquoise.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Xemjenxin.

4. Never look at comets.

5. Put Xemjenxin first in all things.