Jingemtimteen is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, prudent seal.

Jingemtimteen created the Small Magellanic Cloud five million years ago.

If you believe in Jingemtimteen, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Jingemtimteen, he will turn you into a blue tit.

Jingemtimteen's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Jingemtimteen's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the west.

2. Always help monkeys in need.

3. Worship no other gods but Jingemtimteen.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never look in ponds.