Kikfarsan Carzenvan is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, fussy cow.

Kikfarsan Carzenvan created an up quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Kikfarsan Carzenvan, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Kikfarsan Carzenvan, she will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Kikfarsan Carzenvan's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Kikfarsan Carzenvan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Do not trade with those who eat apples.

5. Kikfarsan Carzenvan must be the most important thing in your life.