Mettapwee is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, unjust ant.

Mettapwee created Mount Everest five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Mettapwee, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Mettapwee, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Mettapwee's most sacred site is Gara in Hungary.

Mettapwee's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear violet.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.