Bifbafquam is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, idiotic aardvark.

Bifbafquam created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bifbafquam, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Bifbafquam, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Bifbafquam's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Bifbafquam's Holy Commandments

1. Always treat tortoises with great respect.

2. Do not eat turnips.

3. Do not wear violet clothing.

4. Never look at nebulae.

5. Never think about gravity.