Gofkanzan is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, unsympathetic newt.

Gofkanzan created oxygen five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gofkanzan, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Gofkanzan, he will turn you into a snail.

Gofkanzan's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Gofkanzan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never look at moons.

4. Retreat if four great tits approach from the north.

5. Do not covet oxen.