Sitditcip Xemmintab is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, wise seal.

Sitditcip Xemmintab created tapeworms eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sitditcip Xemmintab, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Sitditcip Xemmintab, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Sitditcip Xemmintab's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Sitditcip Xemmintab's Holy Commandments

1. Moths are not to be trusted.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Sitditcip Xemmintab.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Worship no other gods but Sitditcip Xemmintab.