Gofpagteen is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, passionate fairy.

Gofpagteen created Mount Everest five million years ago.

If you believe in Gofpagteen, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Gofpagteen, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Gofpagteen's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Gofpagteen's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not listen to music.