Fottitquag is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, all-knowing slug.

Fottitquag created the universe seven million years ago.

If you believe in Fottitquag, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Fottitquag, it will be very unhappy.

Fottitquag's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Fottitquag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Never feed lots of corn to badgers while wearing blue ear rings.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Do not trade with those who eat wheat.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.