Vonkwotjabfatarpmonpon is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, ill-tempered eagle.

Vonkwotjabfatarpmonpon created a down quark five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkwotjabfatarpmonpon, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Vonkwotjabfatarpmonpon, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Vonkwotjabfatarpmonpon's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Vonkwotjabfatarpmonpon's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear yellow shirts.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never talk about dark matter.