Femjarnpon is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, dishonourable cobra.

Femjarnpon created an atom three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Femjarnpon, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Femjarnpon, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Femjarnpon's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Femjarnpon's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Femjarnpon.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Put Femjarnpon first in all things.