Xemstigdiss is a god.

He takes the form of a large, humane rhinoceros.

Xemstigdiss created dark energy six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemstigdiss, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Xemstigdiss, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Xemstigdiss' most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Xemstigdiss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not laugh in public.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Worship no other gods but Xemstigdiss.

4. Never feed figs to horses while wearing trousers.

5. Never eat lemons.