Sanquartdamtalgeb is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, effective jaguar.

Sanquartdamtalgeb created parasitic wasps eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Sanquartdamtalgeb, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Sanquartdamtalgeb, it will be very sad.

Sanquartdamtalgeb's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Sanquartdamtalgeb's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Never feed lots of cherries to cats while wearing mauve tights.

3. Never think about special relativity near otters while wearing brown boots and balancing three tin spheres on your head.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Sanquartdamtalgeb.