Ganquagtap is a god.

It takes the form of a blubbery, deceitful mink.

Ganquagtap created parasitic wasps three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ganquagtap, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Ganquagtap, it will turn you into a rat.

Ganquagtap's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Ganquagtap's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chant in public.

2. Erect a giant yellow sculpture of Ganquagtap in the centre of the settlement.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near capybaras while wearing black scarves and balancing nine silicon spheres on your chest.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not commit murder.