Onttamfoss is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, slow yak.

Onttamfoss created energy two million years ago.

If you believe in Onttamfoss, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Onttamfoss, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Onttamfoss' most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Onttamfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in red rooms.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Onttamfoss.

3. Never go into brown rooms.

4. Never laugh in the presence of squirrels.

5. Do not commit murder.