Kenfatbess is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, humorless spider.

Kenfatbess created a bottom quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Kenfatbess, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Kenfatbess, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Kenfatbess' most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Kenfatbess' Holy Commandments

1. Always treat goats with great respect.

2. Never think about quantum field theory near horses while wearing indigo jumpers and balancing nine platinum spheres on your neck.

3. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

4. Never talk about electromagnetism.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.