Omttanfem is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, vain gnu.

Omttanfem created the planet Earth four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Omttanfem, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Omttanfem, she will ignore you.

Omttanfem's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Omttanfem's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about amino acids.

2. Put Omttanfem first in all things.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never feed wheat to sharks while wearing turquoise hats.

5. Do not take Omttanfem's name in vain.