Somxenvid is a god.

She takes the form of a small, narcissistic penguin.

Somxenvid created the Sun five million years ago.

If you believe in Somxenvid, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Somxenvid, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Somxenvid's most sacred site is Kardous in Egypt.

Somxenvid's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured tortoises.

2. Pray towards the north.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never talk about dark matter near squirrels while wearing fawn hats and balancing five copper spheres on your legs.

5. Do not commit murder.