Cissyogkim Larghiv Cissquart is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, resourceful giraffe.

Cissyogkim Larghiv Cissquart created time and space six billion years ago.

If you believe in Cissyogkim Larghiv Cissquart, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Cissyogkim Larghiv Cissquart, he will turn you into a rock.

Cissyogkim Larghiv Cissquart's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Cissyogkim Larghiv Cissquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about optics near great tits while wearing violet shirts and balancing nine titanium spheres on your head.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate squirrels.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Hide from yellow otters for they are unholy.