Tan is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, able owl.

Tan created the planet Venus four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tan, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Tan, he will turn you into a puffin.

Tan's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Tan's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed carrots to manatees while wearing fawn corsets.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Always help eagles.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never write about dwarf planets.