Japdobvab is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, happy octopus.

Japdobvab created the planet Earth nine million years ago.

If you believe in Japdobvab, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Japdobvab, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Japdobvab's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Japdobvab's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Japdobvab.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Hide if nine eagles approach from the west.

4. Erect three titanium sculptures of Japdobvab on top of important buildings.

5. Never eat strawberries.