Vilzog is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, temperamental cow.

Vilzog created silver four million years ago.

If you believe in Vilzog, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vilzog, he will torture you forever.

Vilzog's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Vilzog's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your neck violet.

2. Always help sick mites.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Do not keep nine otters in a large pit.