Bifontwig is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, tiresome dove.

Bifontwig created the Virgo Supercluster eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bifontwig, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bifontwig, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Bifontwig's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Bifontwig's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never skip near turtles.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Erect a giant blue sculpture of Bifontwig in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never pour water over plants.