Gunxuckzen is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, fast ant.

Gunxuckzen created a photon nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gunxuckzen, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gunxuckzen, she will strike you with lightening.

Gunxuckzen's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Gunxuckzen's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Gunxuckzen.

2. Never talk about gravity.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not eat onions.

5. Always obey Gunxuckzen's priests.