Matzoggen is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, cheerful skunk.

Matzoggen created a top quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Matzoggen, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Matzoggen, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Matzoggen's most sacred site is Gorbio in France.

Matzoggen's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of cherries to dogs while wearing gray coats.

2. Never feed aubergines to moths while wearing brown scarves.

3. Never talk about quantum mechanics.

4. Matzoggen loves otters, so they must be respected.

5. Always take life seriously.