Loplegtom is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, intelligent human.

Loplegtom created the Sombrero Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Loplegtom, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Loplegtom, she will turn you into a mole.

Loplegtom's most sacred site is Ylike in Finland.

Loplegtom's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured tortoises.

2. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Loplegtom.

5. Pray towards the east.