Tarpafsinmil is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, humane cow.

Tarpafsinmil created the Andromeda Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpafsinmil, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Tarpafsinmil, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Tarpafsinmil's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Tarpafsinmil's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear green shoes.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Never sing in the presence of dogs.

5. Retreat if eight monkeys approach from the north.